Life in Hyrule
by KoalaKiller
Summary: (ZeldaMalon - Revised) Ever wondered what would it be like without Ganondorf's ugly face around? Well, here is a humorlime AU on just that with a few interesting twists starring Zelda, Malon and Link!


Author notes:  
  
  
  
Well, here it is, my first Zelda fanfic. I usually write Evangelion or Pokemon stuff, but thought I'll have some fun in writing a humor/lime fic for Zelda.  
  
Anyways, this is set in a AU world with no Ganondorf(or is that Gannondorf?), just everyone growing up semi-normally in Hyrule with no wars going on and stuff.  
  
  
  
So, I hope you enjoy.  
  
  
  
LIfe in Hyrule  
  
By KoalaKiller  
  
Version: 1.2  
  
  
  
It was one of those things that you don't see coming, something that nobody thinks can happen, not in a hundred years.  
  
  
  
Zelda, Princess of the royal family of Hyrule, was currently lying nude besides an equally nude farm girl of the ranch LonLon.  
  
  
  
Ha! I bet you didn't see that one coming.  
  
  
  
I guess you'll wondering on how the hell can a Magical Princess and simple cowgirl be lying in their birthday suits, well this is their story...  
  
  
  
Well some of it anyways.  
  
****  
  
  
  
Malon Long, daughter of Talon of LonLon ranch, was currently sneaking into Hyrule castle.  
  
  
  
Well, trying to anyways...  
  
  
  
After waving her pretty big blue eyes and bright smile at the lonely guard at the gate, Malon was able to get as far as that before she realized that 2 guards from the royal lawn was stalking towards her at 11 o'clock.  
  
  
  
"Halt! miss!" one shouted.  
  
  
  
Crap! Not again thought the girl.  
  
  
  
Doing what most teenagers would do when being ordered to do something, Malon dashed down the hill and made a left turn towards a large old boulder. Luckily, she was great with climbing stuff and in no-time flat was standing on top of The Rock when the guards caught up with her.  
  
  
  
"Miss! get down here, you're not allowed in here without a letter from the King or Princess."  
  
  
  
Crossing her arms under her chest, she sticked her nose up, and replied with.  
  
  
  
"Nope."  
  
  
  
"Don't make us go up there miss, we will!" said genetic guard number #2.  
  
  
  
"Hmph, I like to see you try! chubby." shot back the pretty farm girl.  
  
  
  
Sadly, with the armor the 2 guards were wearing, it was impossible to jump that high, though Malon thought the 2 idiots were too unfit to climb The Rock with or without the armor.  
  
  
  
So for the next 5 mintues, the guards threatened the redhead, while she just pulled funny faces and made sure they didn't get a peak at her panties.  
  
  
  
"Get down here NOW! or else!"  
  
  
  
Tongue pops out, pull down the eyelid.  
  
  
  
"Don't make us hurt you!"  
  
  
  
An annoying bitch laugh.  
  
  
  
"Grrr..."  
  
  
  
Luckily, the 3 goddesses decided to lend the poor, defenceless girl(my ass), with a clearing of someone's throat.  
  
  
  
"Excuse me soldiers, but what do you think you're doing?"  
  
  
  
Turning around in synch, the two was treated to the sight of their beloved Princess and her guardian, Impa. Both women where on horses and seemed that both had just returned from a joyful ride through Hyrule fields for the afternoon.  
  
  
  
Though the two saw the Princess atleast once a day, both have never spoken to her, being only 2 common guards and all.  
  
  
  
Trying not to run home to mamma, Genetic guard number #1 spoke up quickly.  
  
  
  
"My princess, we were just trying to remove this girl from the royal grounds."  
  
  
  
While saying these, Malon just took the role of looking like a scared little girl being chased by monsters(well, it is common somewhat in Hyrule).  
  
  
  
"No doubt, but I think my guardian and myself can *handle* the dangerous* girl." remarked Zelda, which ment that she was giving an order that sounded not like one.  
  
  
  
"Indeed, you two are free to go." Impa added, waving the two guards off.  
  
  
  
Gumbling to themselves, they departed.  
  
  
  
Now turning towards the redhead who had now jumped down from The Rock, the Princess noted.  
  
  
  
"You know Malon, you could have easily gotten in legally." she said, while getting off her horse to greet her friend.  
  
  
  
"Well, Link dared me today," she shrugged, "saying that I've lost my edge."  
  
  
  
"Hmph, Link is always saying dumb things." hmph'ed the Princess.  
  
  
  
"Well, you might want to change the guard at the gate, I just smiled at him and showed some cleavage and bingo, I'm in."  
  
  
  
Impa just rolled her eyes, while both girls just giggled at the silly little guard.  
  
  
  
"Anyways Zelda, you mind me staying the night? Link and the boys are staying around the ranch tonight and I don't want their pervert eyes on me."  
  
  
  
"Sure Mal, " replied Zelda bubbily, though Impa wondered how a Princess could sound like a blonde when that was suppose to be bread out of her.  
  
  
  
So hopping back onto her horse which was nicely named Usagi-chan, Zelda gestured Malon to get on. Once she was safely on, the three continued into the castle.  
  
  
  
Before they entered the caslte though, they had past the 2 guards from earlier and Malon decided to wave at the 2 sulking men.  
  
  
  
"Hiya big boys!"  
  
  
  
With two glares being returned, she just shrugged and leaned forward and whispered into the Princess's ear.  
  
  
  
Impa glanced at the two, seeing them giggle and point and just plain being immature as they crossed the drawbridge.  
  
  
  
"Kids these days..." she sighed.  
  
  
  
Her horse totally agreed.  
  
  
  
****  
  
  
  
Meanwhile, back at the ranch...  
  
  
  
Mido was currently being chased my Coccos.  
  
  
  
Link and the other boys was laughing their heads off.  
  
  
  
And Talon was snoozing against a fat cow, who was also snoozing.  
  
  
  
Anyways, back to the girls...  
  
  
  
***  
  
  
  
"TAG! YOUR IT!" giggled Zelda, who run off down the courtyard.  
  
  
  
"HOHOHOHOHO! I'LL GET YOU!" bitch laughed Malon, laughing into the back of her hand.  
  
  
  
This had been going on for the last 30 or so minutes and Impa was getting one hell of a headache from Malon's shrieking.  
  
  
  
Groaning, Impa just repeatly muttered.  
  
  
  
"I need a man, I need a man..."  
  
  
  
Anyways, the two 17-year-old girls continued to play, though the Princess had to hold back her own bitch laugh since she didn't want Impa 'bitching' to her about her behavior.  
  
  
  
Now, I bet your wondering why they are friends in the first place, well here's the deal.  
  
  
  
Zelda and Malon, and lets not forget Linky-boy, have been good friends ever since Link had tried to sneak into the caslte one day.  
  
  
  
Ok, ok, don't shot me, I can't help being unoriginal at times :).  
  
  
  
~FLASHBACK  
  
  
  
A 10 year-old Malon was currently near the old vine, singing away as she waited for her old man to finish his work.  
  
Meanwhile, the Princess was once again secretly leaving the caslte in a cloak.   
  
While Link in his ever dense form was strolling up to the gate.  
  
  
  
As Malon got to the end of her song once again, Link had just passed her as Zelda turned the corner.  
  
  
  
Guess what happened?  
  
  
  
*WHACK*  
  
  
  
Headbutting is always painful, no matter what...  
  
  
  
"Owie." owie'ed LInk.  
  
  
  
"Ow...Hey!"  
  
  
  
Opening her eyes, Malon was greeted with the view of a 10 year-old boy with blonde hair who was rubbing his forehead. He was carrying a short sword that was laying on the ground a few feet away. While a blonde girl in a cloak sat on the ground rubbing her own forehead.  
  
  
  
"Hey there, you two o.k?" Malon's concerned voice reached the pointed ears of Zelda and Link.  
  
  
  
"Um, sure." said Link, getting to his feet.  
  
  
  
"Damn, that hurt." grunted the girl, also on her feet.  
  
  
  
"Good!" chirped Malon, as she grasped Link's hand first, "I'm Malon." she did the same to Zelda as well.  
  
  
  
"Uh..." replied Link  
  
  
  
"I'm, err," added Zelda  
  
  
  
"Zelda, yep!" bubbled Malon, who was on cloud nine about seeing the Princess.  
  
  
  
"uh..." stuttered Zelda.  
  
  
  
Snapping out of his daze, Link introduced himself, with Zelda not far behind.  
  
  
  
Silence filled the air until...  
  
  
  
"So your the Princess, huh?" Link spoked up.  
  
  
  
Both Malon and Zelda blinked  
  
  
  
"You haven't-" started Malon.  
  
  
  
"-seen me before?" finished Zelda.  
  
  
  
"Nope." replied Link cheerfully.  
  
  
  
"Oh." was the females reply.  
  
  
  
Silence again.  
  
  
  
"Hey, you two what to see my Daddy's farm?" piped up Malon.  
  
  
  
"Um, I don't-"  
  
  
  
"Sure!" cut in Zelda, who had popped the hood on again.  
  
  
  
"Cool! come on!" grabbing both Link and Zelda's hands, Malon dragged both soon-to-be good friends to her home.  
  
  
  
FLASHBACK~  
  
  
  
So, now that piece of history is over, back to the tail, err tale I mean.  
  
  
  
Now if I remember, we left a friendly game of tag behind before that flashback, so now lets see what's the blonde and redhead are doing.  
  
  
  
*SPLASH*  
  
  
  
*GIGGLE*  
  
  
  
*SPLASH* *COUGH*  
  
  
  
*GIGGLE*  
  
  
  
Well, it looks like its late at night now and it seems that both Malon and Zelda are playing in the royal fountain.  
  
  
  
Oh those naughty, naughty girls.  
  
  
  
I wonder though why they aren't wearing any swimsuits.  
  
  
  
Though I guess they wanted to go skinny dipping, oh well.  
  
  
  
So for the next 15 minutes, they continued to muck around until lighting in the sky started appearing.  
  
  
  
"Damn,"  
  
  
  
"Oh well..."  
  
  
  
So grabbing their clothes, the 2 girls ran towards Zelda's chambers before any pervert boys saw them.  
  
  
  
Once inside and finding herself now dry and still naked, Zelda flopped down on her Queen size bed and sighed in delight with the nice feeling of the bedspread on her skin.  
  
  
  
Malon just shrugged, and did what most romans did, though she wondered what a roman was briefly.  
  
  
  
Since Zelda was hogging the bed, Malon just simply spanked Zelda's butt, which Zelda gave off a good yelp and moved over.  
  
  
  
"Kinky bitch." muttered Zelda.  
  
  
  
"Thanks!" chirped Malon, now laying besides her.  
  
  
  
Silence filled the room as both girls recovered from their afternoon of fun, games and bitch laughing.  
  
  
  
Though soon, both turned over and stared at the roof, wondering what to do next.  
  
  
  
Both girls had thoughts of Link in their minds for .03 seconds before realizing that he wasn't around for the night.  
  
  
  
"Well Mal, you thinking what I'm thinking?"  
  
  
  
"I think so Zelly, but don't we need a pony to do that?"  
  
  
  
They both laughed before Zelda said, "Nah, I've jumped the fence awhile ago with Link being so dense."  
  
  
  
"Yeah, same here." She always did think Link was a real Fairy-boy.  
  
  
  
Glancing at each other for a moment, they considered their opinions before shrugging.  
  
  
  
"Oh well..."  
  
  
  
"Come here Mal!"  
  
  
  
Luckily Impa wasn't there, or she would've had a heartattack or two.  
  
  
  
***  
  
  
  
An hour or so later...  
  
  
  
"Well, that was most cool!" chirped a glowing Malon.  
  
  
  
"Indeed." Zelda purred out.  
  
  
  
And this is where we hit present time, where Malon and Zelda are lying naked in a bed, a Queen's size bed!  
  
  
  
Glancing at Zelda, Malon suggested.  
  
  
  
"You think you're up to another round?"  
  
  
  
Still glowing, Zelda considered this for .04 seconds before jumping Malon.  
  
  
  
"Sure Mal, don't think I'll be getting any from Linky in the next 5 to 10 years."  
  
  
  
"Cool!"  
  
  
  
I think its time to go folks, so lets leave this two girls to finsh off their *business*.  
  
  
  
***  
  
  
  
Meanwhile, back at the ranch...  
  
  
  
We see Link and the guys sleeping in the stable, though I wonder where Mido is...?  
  
  
  
"MmmmmMmmm!" Mumbled Mido from inside the fat cow, with one of his legs sticking out from the cow's mouth.  
  
  
  
And even in their sleep, Link and the boys laughed.  
  
  
  
Poor Mido...  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
THE END!  
  
  
  
...  
  
  
  
We hope!   
  
After notes:  
  
Well its been awhile since I read through this old thing. So I decided to do a bit of revising since the last time I did the work was pretty poor. Anyways, I did have an idea for a sequal but for lack of reasoning, I've forgetten it but I know it contained fish and nasty things happening to Link or Mido.  
  
Oh well, until next time and remember to read my newest Zelda fic 'Mistress'.  
  
~KoalaKiller 


End file.
